Silver wedding

John and Ellen (Mum and Dad) reached their Silver Wedding anniversary on the 18th of March 1978. Here they are 25 years earlier on their wedding day, flanked by Dad’s sister Mary and his brother Donald. (See also my blog entry from 10 March).

wedding group

We six sisters spent months plotting and planning a big celebration for them, centering around a Mass where they would renew their marriage vows, but oh, so much more than that! I can’t really remember too much about it all these years later, but Dad was so moved by the whole thing that he wrote it all down on the day on some little scraps of paper, so this – more or less – is the story of their Silver Wedding in his own words…

silver notes

to theatre

THE DAY BEFORE – FRIDAY 17th MARCH – Ellen and I did as much as we could to the house in the way of cleaning and polishing. We were under strict instructions not to do anything else. In the morning we were given an envelope containing 2 tickets for the Theatre Royal and some money to have a meal in the “Ubiquitous Chip” where a table had been booked for 5.30 pm. We duly arrived at the appointed time, in the Cresta which was parked nearby. We had a really first class meal consisting of soup for me and tomato juice for Ellen, then the both of us had smoked mackerel followed by sirloin steak, mushrooms, carrots and potatoes. Ellen had a glass of sherry and I had a glass of beer. By this time we both felt properly full up so we forgoed the pudding we had planned and had a cup of coffee instead.

A word about the Ubiquitous Chip – until the “Chip” arrived in Byres Road in 1971, fine dining would only have been available in Glasgow in “posh” restaurants with snooty waiters and menus written in French. Now we had a new phenomenon – a restaurant where you were served by friendly student-type waiters, not serving chips despite the name, but offering fine Scottish cuisine using fresh local produce. I remember being taken as a student by a friend, Shuggie, who was desperate for us to try one of the exotic delicacies he had discovered there – fried onion rings!  Anyway, back to Dad…

After our most enjoyable meal we drove in the Cresta to the Theatre Royal and managed to park quite near to the main entrance. (I’m starting to notice how often the family car – always referred to by name – appears in this narrative, like an extra character.) We saw “The Sunshine Boys” – a comedy with Johnny Beattie and Roy Boutcher which we both thoroughly enjoyed. The theatre came out about 9.30 pm and as we were under instructions not to return home too early we went for a leisurely run in the Cresta (see!) to Drymen, returning via Balloch and Clydebank. 

programme
Touchingly, I found the tickets and programme from that show carefully preserved along with Dad’s wee notes and the order of service.

No doubt the somewhat obvious ploy of getting Mum and Dad out of the house enabled the six of us to get on with preparations for what was to happen on the day itself. I’m afraid that page 3 of Dad’s account is missing, so we’re going to have to jump to page 4 where we will pick things up from the morning of the 18th.

… I had previously tricked her into giving me her engagement ring which I switched for an eternity ring (my present to her) and slipped that on her finger, much to her surprise when she realised what it was. Up until mid-morning today we really had very little idea what the girls were up to but now Beatrice arrived and revealed some of what had been up to now very closely guarded plans indeed. We were to be at my sister-in-law’s (Mary Jordanhill) house at 12 noon and remain there during the afternoon and then to be at Turnbull Hall shortly before 4 pm. 

When we arrived at Mary’s house we had a great surprise when we saw my sister Mary and her daughter Mary were in the house, having arrived from London the day before. This was one of many delightful surprises we were to experience during the rest of the day. Mary gave us a gorgeous lunch and we were really getting into the swing of things now.

 

You may notice the absence of our Uncle Donald from these proceeding. Unfortunately Donald and Mary’s marriage had ended a few years before, and Donald was living elsewhere with a new wife and young family.

Shortly before 4 pm we set off for Turnbull Hall and parked the car outside Beatrice’s flat. Ellen and I waited outside until called for. We were met at the back door of the chapel by Father Ken Nugent who led us up the aisle to two seats and kneelers just beside the foot of the altar. The mass was a very beautiful personal one, with our names mentioned as often as possible. Several parts of this beautiful mass were very memorable – Lulie read the Reading (she said it was the first time she ever did that), the girls read one bidding prayer each and they were so beautiful I am putting them down here…  (unfortunately,  Dad didn’t get around to doing that, or the page has been lost)

When it came to the part of the Mass where we wish the peace of God on each other Fr Nugent came down and greeted us first then we each took one side of the chapel and greeted individually the whole of the Congregation who, as it happened, turned out to be our guests. I was absolutely delighted and not a little surprised when I began to realise that everyone there was to be a guest of ours. Receiving Holy Communion under both species was unforgettable and what made it even better was that all the girls received Communion under both kinds as well. The hymns were especially well chosen and all well sung all accompanied by Frances on the little organ. If there had been nothing else that day I think that the joy of this Mass and the great pleasure at seeing so many of our friends would have filled my cup of happiness to overflowing.

It brings tears to my eyes to read just how much this Mass meant to my Dad (and I know to Mum too). They were both devout Catholics all their lives, so it was only fitting that this should be the central focus of their Silver Wedding celebrations. At the time Peter and I lived in a wee basement flat in Turnbull Hall (the Catholic Student Chaplaincy) and Father Ken was our friend as well as our priest, so he was very happy to help us to put together this very special and personal ceremony just for them, including, though Dad doesn’t mention it, them renewing their wedding vows, which they did in a very solemn and heartfelt way.

And of course, that wasn’t the end of the day. I well remember Mum and Dad’s faces as they moved down the church and started to realise just how many people had come from far and wide to celebrate with them, which they did, well into the night, back at “Number 8”.  The next page of Dad’s account is missing, but I’m sure you can imagine the party for yourself – presents galore (silver tray, tea service, carriage clock, etc, etc). Toasts and tears; expressions of astonishment that people had come so far, that no-one had given away the secret; how wonderful it was that John and Nellie had reached this magnificent milestone… And not a single camera between them it seems! The only picture I can show you is this one of Mum and Dad looking tired but happy.

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We don’t have the last page of Dad’s account, but what HAS survived is this list he made of all the people who came. Friends and family from Glasgow, the two Mary’s up from London, even a sizeable contingent down from Fort William. I can’t now remember if the absence of anyone from Mum’s family in Ireland was because we neglected to invite them, or if they were unable to come. I’d like to think the latter. I also have an idea that there were messages, or possibly telegrams, read out from some absent friends, but I don’t have any documentary proof of that, so maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part.

list

safely home

As it turned out, John and Ellen had only three more years together before Dad passed away and Mum began her long widowhood before finally being reunited with her “poor dear John” so many decades later.

It gladdens my heart to know that they so enjoyed their lovely day together, and that it was a true reflection of the love and loyalty they had always shown each other over the years. I’m by no means saying they were perfect and I know that my parents were a product of their times, but I also feel they had a very unique take on life. Perhaps it was because they came to Glasgow as outsiders and had to start from scratch to make a life for themselves here. They were never interested in possessions except in as much as it would enable them to do things with and for their family – a home to live in, a car for freedom, a tent where we could make our own holidays, a gramophone to play music. They had to battle against sometimes being made to feel inferior, they often struggled to make ends meet, but somehow they survived and thrived and no matter how hard things were they seemed never to lose sight of why they were together and to enjoy together the simple things in life they both loved.

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Hippy Chick?

sixties collage

With the end of one era, comes inevitably something new. The sixties and early seventies was a time of great upheaval and change in society, and our family was no more immune from those changes than anyone else. Our parents’ generation, who endured the second world war and were tasked with rebuilding society afterwards are sometimes dubbed the “Silent Generation” – in my mind because they just rolled up their sleeves and got on with it! We were the Baby Boomers, a generation who, it seemed, found fault with and rebelled against everything.

Now, let me make it perfectly clear, and to avoid any disappointment, I have never smoked a joint in my life, nor even an ordinary cigarette. So this post is NOT about sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. It DOES refer to flower power, the Summer of Love and the general attitude of change and a certain kind of idealism that seemed to pervade the world just at the point when I myself was busy trying to decide what sort of person I was and wanted to be. Although… that makes it sound like a rather more conscious process than it was. Do we really choose who we are going to be, or does it just happen by a combination of accident and heredity – nature or nurture?

Looking back, I feel lucky to have gone to school and been young in the “swinging sixties” when there was such an opening up of ideas and attitudes, a rebellion against old restrictions, encouragement to find new ways of thinking. I was two years into secondary school when the “Summer of Love” was declared in a great flurry of psychedelic colours and swirling shapes. I have to tell you it’s more than a little disconcerting when the 50th anniversary of something comes around, that you remember like it was yesterday.

what next

I suppose this time was an opening up for me of a somewhat restricted family life, an encouragement to think beyond one’s parents’ rather narrower attitudes, as it was for all of my contemporaries. We were all rebelling in our own ways, expressing ourselves in a way the younger generation never really had before, and haven’t had an opportunity to do in quite the same way again.

I’m not saying I took it all on board lock, stock and barrel. What I know is that I distilled and absorbed into myself elements of the so-called counter culture of the late sixties and early seventies – the elements that chimed with me. We all have a moment or a period, don’t we,  that defines us? A time that forms our tastes, our attitudes, our style. I suppose this is mine. Here you will find the music I feel most comfortable with – the Beatles, Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, the Mamas and the Papas, Carole King, Simon and Garfunkel (I remember their Bridge Over Troubled Water being in the charts for weeks on end in, I think, 1970, and the 15 year old me listening religiously to the Top 20 every Sunday afternoon on my wee white “tranny” – transister radio, not transvestite!) And then there were the clothes that expressed who I was – Laura Ashley tops, Indian cotton dresses, a green poncho with a picture of planet Earth sewn on to it, flared trousers, beads – I still wear beads …

The slogans, the lyrics – I suppose I took them deeply to heart so that they colour my beliefs and attitudes to this day.

All you need is love / Give peace a chance / You got a friend / Save the planet / Ban the bomb / Where have all the flowers gone / Make love not war / We shall overcome / The answer is blowin’ in the wind / You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars you have a right to be here. That last one is from Desiderata, a poem I felt so attached to that any kitchen I ever had never seemed complete without my Desiderata teatowel pinned to the wall. (Too faded to read now, but still stowed away in a drawer).

But you know, I wouldn’t like you to think that I look back with rose tinted spectacles on the baby boomer generation I am part of. I happen to think we have made a complete hash of taking over and running the world and mostly I feel ashamed of the fact that the generation who enjoyed such seemingly unbounded prosperity and opportunity in their own youth have created a world of such restricted opportunity for the generations that have followed them. Our parents created a world where their children became better off than they were, we seem to have done nothing but feather our own nests and take advantage of cheap house prices and the ensuing property boom. Imagine no possessions (John Lennon) – well hardly!

It was said that the post war baby boomers were a generation that had never known war as our parents had. And yet, from the mid fifties until the early seventies, America sent thousands of its sons to die in what seemed to be an increasingly pointless and unwinnable war in Vietnam.  15,000 young American men, a disproportionate number of them black, died in south east Asia before President Lyndon B Johnstone finally admitted defeat and brought them all home. They had laid down their lives for a cause they could little understand, far less believe in. And we protested, of course we did.

It is those same baby boomers who protested against Vietnam who are in charge now. Those same baby boomers (yes, I’m talking about you Tony Blair) who have send our troops to die in Iran, in Kosovo, in Afghanistan. Who preside over foodbanks. Who have over-ruled the younger generation who believed that their future lay in staying in Europe. Who prioritise tax cuts over proper funding for essential services for the poor and needy, and acceptable safety standards for public housing to ensure that peoples’ homes are safe and not death traps and fire hazards. And of course, there’s that prime baby boomer over the water who thinks that leadership of the great United States of America can be accomplished through the medium of late night emotional tweets.

But despite the fact that I cannot hide the fact that do feel rather betrayed by my generation,  I’m not going to conclude on such a negative note. Instead, let me take you back to 1974 and a personal moment of hope.

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p & b

I’ve always loved this picture of me on my wedding day in April 1974. There I am, 20 years old, freesas in my hair, floaty dress covering a certain little bump. It encapsulates a moment when I was full of love for the world and everyone in it (not that I’m not now!) And a moment of being sure that the world loved me back. The fact that Peter and I didn’t manage to stay the course and are no longer still married doesn’t take away from the magic of that day and the heartfelt vows we made to each other – we meant it at the time!

And looking at the family group, my heart aches for all our younger selves; for our siblings who were still children; for the parents who were doing their best for their large familes; for the struggles, disasters and triumphs of the years to follow, when for me the hippy period would seamlessly morph into the ‘earth mother years’. Would we have done anything differently if we knew then what we know now? Probably not, how could we?

family group